अधूरापन

 इस अधूरेपन में एक अलग सी सहजता झलक जाती है, सुख की ख़ुशी और दुख की निराशा थोड़ा कम प्रभाव दर्शाती है ।

समय की करवट से यह ह्रदय थोड़ा और ठोस हो जाता है, इस जीवन जीने के छल को ये नया साहस दे जाता है ।

अधूरे सपने, अधूरी बातें, अधूरा ही तो है ये संसार, अधूरा था कल, अधूरा होगा कल, अधूरा ही रहेगा ये आज ।

पूरा करने की होड़ हर क्षण एक अस्थिरता सी लाती है, व्याकुलता का तांडव रच स्वयं धराशायी हो जाती है ।

हर प्रयास को विफल कर ये मन ही मन इठलाती है, फिर अपने ही भाव प्रपंच से पूर्ण हताश हो जाती है ।

पल में रस भर, पल में निरस हो, ये जो खेल रचाती है, जो समझा वो भी जान ना पाया, ऐसा उत्पात मचाती है ।

स्थिर हो कर जब मैंने इस व्याकुलता के पार निहारा, चंचल मन के सूने कोने में किसी का हाथ अपने सर पर पाया ।

चौंक गयी मैं जब पलट कर अधूरापन मुझे देख मुस्कुराया , शांत भाव से फिर उसने मुझे स्नेहपूर्ण आलिंगन लगाया ।

पूछा जब मैंने उसके उपस्थिति का कारण तो उसने अपना हाथ बढ़ाया, ले चला अपनी धून में अपने संग, संयम भरा मार्ग दिखाया।

शांत मन की खोज में आज तक भटक रही थी जो मेरी छाया, वहाँ ख़ुद को ख़ुद के साथ पाकर बिछड़ा हुआ अपना हमदम पाया ।

बिन बोले अधूरेपन ने मुझको जीवन का वो सार सिखाया, जिसने स्वीकारा अपनी परिस्थिति को, उसने ही सुख-शांति का परचम लहराया ।

ना कोई क्लेश है हृदय में, ना ही कोई मन में है अब ग्लानि, बस मुस्कुराहट लिए चले हैं मुख पर और उसके साथ अपनी कहानी ।

जब जीवन के ये क्षण शेष हैं तो अधूरा ही रहेगा हमारा क़िस्सा, क्यूँ विचलित हो रहा ऐ राही ! आख़िर ये भी तो है तेरे ही वृतांत का हिस्सा ।

मायूसी को खदेड़ दूर भगा, संशयवादी भाव हटा, थोड़ा सा साहस जुटा फिर आशा की लौ जला और ये क़िस्सा तू रचता जा ।

बीते कल और आज के बाद, आने वाला कल खड़ा है, हर क्षण के बीतते ही, दूसरा क्षण झट चढ़ा है ।

पूर्ण हुआ तो थम जाएगा जीवन का ये प्रवाह,बहता चल ऐ राही मन ! तू कर हर उठती लहर को स्वीकार ।

राही के मंज़िल पाने तक अधूरी ही रहेगी उसकी यात्रा, खुल कर मिलता चल हर पथिक से, करता सबके भावों का पूर्ण सम्मान ।

कभी थम कर सुस्ता ऐ साथी फिर कर तनिक इस ओर विचार…

… अपनी कहानी का रचयिता भी तू है,                              अपनी कहानी का तू ही है कलाकार ।

-श्वेता सुरभि ⏳

मानव मन

बंधनों में बंधा यह मानव मन बंधक बना गुहार लगा रहा ॥

एक डोर कस रही प्रति क्षण, निश्चित अपनी ही किसी कल्पना का बोझ उठा रहा ।

हर साँस जो आ रही हृदय में, भावनाओं का वो बवंडर ला रही ॥

शांत हो जाने का साहस नहीं, कदाचित् तभी प्रयास का परचम फहरा रही ।

उठकर कोशिश की इन पैरों ने भी उन बेड़ियों से मुक्ति पाने की, 

कभी झटक कर कभी पटक कर तो कभी खींचा तानी की ।

मस्तक रहा अटल सदा ही पर समय की क्षमता से अज्ञान फिरा, प्रतिबिंब देख स्वयं का ही जब अचरज यूँ अपार घिरा ॥

जिसकी छवि आँखों तक पहुँची वह तो कोई लाचार दिखा, 

दृढ़ता का वह भाव धरा था, उसपे मन की गुत्थी का अंबार पड़ा था ।

तभी अश्रु छलके नयन से बिन मंज़िल के बह जाने को, शब्दों ने भी साथ जो छोड़ा प्रकट व्यथा से पार पाने को ।

निर्बल-सबल का ज्ञान विफल अब, चित्त का यह संवाद सरल सा ॥

समस्याओं का यह अंधकार घना है, उस पर आशंकाओं का भार बड़ा ।

ओझल हो रही जिसकी परिभाषा नाम शायद उसका सामर्थ्य है,  कहीं डरा सा और सहमा सा छुप कर देख रहा वो सब है ।

आँखों से जो छलक रहा वो धार प्रवाह सा बन चला, भटक रहा चाहु दिशा में, ना जाने किस संजोग का बाँध टूटा ॥

स्थिरता की खोज में मानव उतना ही अस्थिर हो चुका, जग त्यागने के भय से मोह जाल में फँस चुका ।

सुख और दुःख का भेद ना जाना, किन मापदंडों में उलझता गया ॥

तोल रहा वो पर-जीवन को निज तराज़ू का बोझ बढ़ा ।

ऐ मानव मन ! तेरी गुहार साहस ने स्वीकारी है पर इस बार सहज ना होगा यह संदेश भी जारी है ।

भेद सका जो इस आशय को अंधेरे को चीर प्रकाश बना, हताशाओं पर आशा की जय से नयी दिशा का ज्ञान जगा ।

तज के भय का आँगन निपुणता की चौखट लाँग चला, अपने स्वप्न नगरी में जिसने वास्तविकता का है मान रखा ।

है स्वीकार आज त्रुटि भी मुझको, आलिंगन स्वयं को लगाया है, साहस का अर्थ संभवतः आज समझ में आया है ।

धीर धर ऐ मानव मन ये बस समय की माया है ॥

 जो है नश्वर उसे क्यों बाँध रहा, तू सोच ज़रा क्या पाया है ।

जिसको खोने मात्र के भय से तूने संपूर्ण विश्व को हुंकार लगाया है, क्या वो सिर्फ़ स्पर्श मात्र है या अनुभवों की छाया है ।

धीर धर ऐ मानव मन ये बस समय की माया है ॥

-श्वेता सुरभि ⏳

These Days !!!

An unusual Dussehra it was… But was it!!! 

We spent whole day cleaning and cooking. Our tired body and happy heart took a power nap only to wake up and get all decked up for virtual celebration having equally real wishes for & from people who are there in our life unconditionally. Our resonating excited family was already posting pictures on wts app but we were as usual running a little late with the rituals. Winding up our tiny ritual with a heart full of love and gratitude, we had a smiling connect with our family through video call. Soon after the food of overwhelming love and blessings, we clicked the mandatory cliché photos. I feel the toast for those lovely pose goes to his green kurta with semi long wavy hairs (all Thanks to lockdown for his look to die for) and my entire attire, which was combination of yellow saree, red blouse, all red accessories with a big round red bindi that strikingly topped with my Maa Durga pendant… I know, I know!! This is not a fashion blog but in my experience blog, the amazing Bengali look we both Bihari carried has an inundation of emotion to it and so rather became mandate to mention… In between my solo selfies, he played some old songs and got us a glass of rum. We talked, we ate, we laughed and we sang… Oh sorry!! I sang and he whistled!! It was an unwinding moment and somehow what I felt was an aura of blessings to shine around.

This all takes me back to the last festival we celebrated as a nation together and the festival was to clap or tap or even rap as a tribute to all those who were going through tough phase in the corona times. I still play the recording of that day, the vibrations it generate reinstalls my faith in positivity. As the day progress, the fear haunts back of the virus that is a stranger to us and still acts so overfriendly. The overfriendly virus gives me the same feeling as we get on meeting some pretentious person. The character they develop around them scares us to play a role in their life and similarly this virus scares the good life inside the infected human to rule the body by his principles. The fight between the good life and notorious virus is same as what we go through in our day-to-day life. Time takes its spill and the side it flows to, dominates. As I continue to be home, raises my quotient of thought on what if this threat was never around. Also, eventually disturbs me emotionally on hearing any unfortunate news this so-called not so deadly virus is making. 

However, as the month progressed my attention was dragged into another aspect of what changed since lockdown. Do you remember before this when you spent so much time with your spouse; this set up of spending time together was left for retirement & we were competing for quick achievements to achieve early retirement… How complex !!!

Do you remember that any time soon you planned to stay with your parents once you left for higher education? This is a priceless bonanza to be able to be back to them and perceive it as a blessing in disguise… Time is all you never had, Time is all they ever want and Time is all you have now… How blissful !!!

Do you remember when you were justifying your absence for missing the firsts and seconds and even thirds of your child for building up a better future? The present is now and the privilege to build memories together is here.That smile in the morning and those twinkling proud in their eyes when you solve their query is unparalleled… How cherishing !!!

Do you remember the last time you were speaking to your forgotten relatives more than once a year or Do you remember preparing so many delicacies together at home as a family activity or Do you remember the last time spending weekends playing board games with family or Do you remember nurturing your house plant daily or Do you remember your pet tired of waiting for you to be back and now feels delighted to see you around all the time or Do you remember when you last sang a song and painted your heart out as you had that extra hour left in the day or Do you remember sipping that hot cup of tea in your balcony staring  outside in peace or Do you remember adding a new item in your hobby-lobby because you always wanted to do it one day… May be we had forgotten what life is made of small things… May be it’s time to revisit oneself !!! 

What these days taught us is not about where we take birth or when we die, it is more about what we earn in-between. Life has been quite different since lockdown and I wish not to dim the light of the perspective it has brought to me by anchoring my boat. I know the experience would have been different for all but what shall remain with us be the way of life.

Without You !!!

It has been an year Nana since you last held my hand to cut my birthday cake. You were still around, not fully conscious but there for us, trying hard to not let anyone down... but then on 17th June 2017, I took my first breath on this earth without you. I don't remember my first birthday but I can see the photos and match the enthusiasm you would have had. In my polka dot frock and tightly tied hair by my grand-ma I was so happy to have everyone around. The stories told by mummy(grand-ma) and you allows me to visualize my childhood. I am glad that I don't belong to the age of videos and I still remember my childhood as fresh as yesterday's tale. I know how you would have emotionally requested my mom & dad to let me stay with you, I know how I would have happily spent my days, I know how I used to throw tantrums and I know how gently I was handled, I know how all of you rejoiced my stay every single day and I know how I was raised as a princess of the king. I can see myself calling my mom by her name, I can see scolding her for teasing me, I can see mummy(grand-ma) singing for me, I can see my uncles pampering me for the whole day, I can see me feeling restless on some days, I can see you soothing me and laughing with me, I can see myself going to the school for the first time, I can see all of me with all of you and mummy(grand-ma). And then I go to the times where I remember my first lesson as a grown up to never give up, I remember you correcting my English, specially the use of "did" in a sentence, I remember you encouraging me to go for walks, I remember you teaching me the right speed to march with my hands and legs for better blood circulation, I remember you giving articles from newspaper to understand and write on my own, I remember you playing badminton with me, I remember you lifting me up on your shoulders with joy, I remember you encouraging me for my intelligence, I remember you for pointing out the lack of determination in me, I remember you grooming me, I remember you loving me... And further I smile looking at us watching cricket and listening to commentary over the radio, I smile looking at us writing essays together, I smile looking at us making paper boats and playing in the rain, I smile looking at your happiness with every small or big achievement of mine, I smile thinking of the time when you taught me to stand every time I hear national anthem, I smile for the time when you refused to sign my fake leave application, I smile for having you in my life... And the best part of all these memories is that each moment stays forever as fresh as new as pure.

You were there during those sleepless night when I was not well, you were there when the last school bell rang, you were there with tears in your eyes when I took the decision to move ahead for studies, you were there when I wanted to convey my psychology to my parents, you were there for my each step at school, you were there when I made my place in extra-curricular activity in college, you were there when I was crying, you were there when I was giggling... You were just there... Always there.

You are such an inspiration... Your struggle in life and then to shine so bright has always pushed me through rough patches... Your journey from being a teacher to Sr ADM... Your brilliant writing skills... Your British English and the story behind... Your effort to keep the family intact... I try to follow all that I know about you... From your hard work to your yoga style... From your honesty to your liberty... From your gardening skills to your love for food... Every single thing in you had something to learn from... And we are proud to protect everything about you not only for us but for generations to come...

There has been not a single day since you left us that I have not spoken to you.. I know your moral support is always there... I am blessed to preserve the letter written by you during my college day... I know you are still smiling at my success and guiding me on my failure... but I miss hugging you Nana... I miss sitting next to you in the verandah... I miss listening your childhood stories... I miss you teasing me... I miss the tap on my head... I miss your way of holding my hand and trying to explain tough phases... I miss discussing Ganguly and Sachin... I miss listening to Atal Bihari Vajpayee with you... I miss your funny dreams... I miss you scolding me... I miss your innocence... I miss your response to my talks... I miss your laughter Nana... I miss the sound you made from your tongue and teeth... I miss you Nana... I miss you !!!

The Shape that shapes You !!!

In the middle of the day when the sun was shining bright and trees were standing still, I was counting my steps and the time to cover one round of the walking plaza in the office. My story is of a chubby girl who still doesn’t know when she moved from being cute to being awful for the very same reason while growing up. This incidence happened long back when I was in the first standard. We were having frog race on Childrens’ Day and since I was not a sport friendly person I stood last, honestly I was near to the start line when my other mates reached the finish line. There were laughing faces and teasing tongues for my poor performance which was directly linked to my fat appearance. The impact was pretty high on this 5-year-old shy kid that led her to shift the focus on studies and cultural activities. I didn’t know what could have been the best way to fight back and I never shared it with anyone to get some insight. I was doing pretty average in all cultural events until the time I was asked to leave a dance show organised by my seniors because my physical appearance was not a match in the group. Since then I became supremely conscious of my appearance and the dancer inside me died after the whole night crying session. I still remember my grandmother doing all possible home remedies to make me sleep as she knew the reason for my cry was stomach ache. Of course, I did give a try to losing weight. So far three times in my lifetime and I was quite a success to shed some 12-15 kg every time but have managed to gain them back with extra 3-5 kg as a bonus each time. But after all these years I am a sport in dance, I love fashion, I can talk my opinion, I jump without hesitation and can laugh on myself irrespective of the topic running on. But it took a lot to be here and I am yet to catch up on many…

Human, who claim their brain to be the most resourceful part has proved multiple times that they are also failed by the same. We live in a highly competitive world. Competition helps us to push our limits but who defines that limit.. In different stages and states of life we fall prey to the unknown stress caused by competition.. We set our own targets so as a result rejoice and fail ourselves.. Acceptance has become the most underrated word.. Let it not be one... Let us learn to accept who we are, let us learn to accept what people around us are, let us learn to accept our strength, let us learn to accept our weakness, let us learn to accept other’s happiness, let us learn to accept our sorrow.. Why do we get depressed when we fail in exam, why do we give up when we don’t get a job, why do we develop a vacuum when we have a failed relationship, why do we demean our faith when things doesn’t move our way.. We are here to live and not to rush.. We are in hurry for anything and everything... Good marks, safe job, true love, big house, luxurious car, more fame, high name… We are just not ready to keep patience for any of these and much more… There was once said that life is short but we are making it suffocating… We are the creator and the destroyer ourselves.

Rainbow and Sun, Rain and Kids, Beach and Sunset, Mountains and Sunrise, Ups and Down, Love and Music, Tea and Swing, Health and Happiness… Life is about many such combinations and beyond any limitation… The younger me taught the older me that giving it up is not an option but living it up is… Your appearance doesn’t represent you but your presence does… It is absolutely normal and amazing to be average and happy… Health is mightier than wealth… Whereas love is irreplaceable… So build a healthier tomorrow and spread love everyday… It’s no wrong to commit mistake but is a crime to stick to it… It’s no good to be unfair but is insane to afflict anyone… Let’s be a little careful on what shapes us internally as well… It’s good to be a work in progress… Cherish everything about it…Appreciate everyone... And let’s never stop… It’s the shape of the state of our mind which structures everything around us. Let the true self shine !!!

Arranging the term Together Forever...

The butterflies in my stomach, the sparkle in my eyes and the blushing smile on my face were enough for any person to know that I was getting married. An Indian girl born to pure Indian family brought up with the values of self-esteem and independence was all set to be hooked to the equally Indian family with their own set of values and principles. I call it getting hooked to the family because that is how it is in India (isn’t it ?).
The wedding story had lots of drama and melodrama and then again some more drama which ended up to be the perfect well organized and very well appreciated marriage of its time. All the relatives had their share of twirling tales. I shed a little tear to hide my excitement and smiled on the way with this total stranger. My pre-wedding love story is as bland as the Indian dish “Khichdi” which can only taste a little better with a spoonful of “Ghee”. The matrimony section of Times had his details, parents were contacted, Kundlis were matched (which I really doubt), meeting was arranged and the set up was of some 80’s movie. Hot steaming tea was served with some snacks to avoid the awkward moment of silence and some fake laughs were exchanged to ease out (coz yoga is not the right choice at such moment). We were given some time to know each other in the home garden and we discussed food & travel (as if that is all we have done so far and nothing else we plan to do for rest of our life). The response was not positive and I went to my next trip with friends in a happy go lucky mode. A month later when “He” stranger did not find other “She” stranger then “Me” stranger was contacted (That one hell of a story of any typical arrange marriage). I checked all the points on my list of Things-to-do-before-marriage and agreed for this one after meeting the family again. Please note there was no going out together, no long hours talk over the phone, no laughter exchanged. The only Ghee on my Khichdi was one day visit by the guy where I got to meet his friend, watch a movie with him and he got to meet my friends.
The complex process of preparing Wedding Biryani begins with the ingredients hand-picked from rule book by in-laws, culture book by parents, dress up book by relatives, comment book by neighbors, adult jokes by the ladies and alcohol jokes by the gents. The wife was well marinated with the heavy “ghunghat” and loaded with tons of gold jewelry and for the sake of tenderness, should be slowly cooked at medium flame of greetings and fake smiles. A half cooked husband was prepared already by the mother-in-law. Now came the real technique of layering them up with the showing it off spice on demand of the guy’s family, by the girl’s family, for all the family present (That’s a kind of term we all agreed on). Once cooked well, the ingredients are now inextricable from the Wedding Biryani and yet you can get the taste of each one of it in your every single bite till your marriage is alive. I was no different and so wasn’t my Wedding Biryani.
It comes as a surprise not only to my friends but also to me on what made me trust this special institution called marriage (Arranged Marriage in my case).. Well! It all started with the official blind date organized by parents which further lead to the understanding that the guy on the other side is as equal a failure like me to believe in oneself and search for the life partner. This deal was going to be between the people of equal status (wrt failure instincts to search the right match) and high respect for their parent’s choice (as if we had any other choice. huh!). The age alarmed (only as per timing set by the social obligators) with no snooze button to shut off and we got into this all strings attached relationship. Before you start judging my post as a side effect of marriage, I must warn you to do so. The post is as sturdy as a happy married couple.
Long back there lived a powerful prince who went to the “Swaymvar” (to choose one’s groom) ceremony of a powerful princess. They got married and started exploring each other’s ambit. The modern day ceremony is called “Santanvar” (to choose groom for the child). The set-up then was huge and well decorated king’s court whereas now the set-up is some grand shopping mall or some highly sophisticated coffee shop. The power then was strength of the king and beauty of the queen whereas the power now is strength to agree for a stranger who we assume to have a beautiful soul. The effort then was more to impress by some heroic act whereas now the heroism is the ability to develop and express only good part of true emotions. The struggle around this infamous “Together Forever” event is unique as we decide the object first and then go bonkers about.
But truly, Love is a subjective feeling. We are free to fall in or fall out of it. The freedom is calculated more on the choices made independent of biased opinions. The rights are equally demanded for the better fortune. The arrangements are on the ground of the values taught so far.
In fact, when two immaturely obstinate people decide to stick to the once not so seriously taken decision, the marriage works. When two inapt human being diligently struggle for each other’s freedom and space, the marriage smiles. When two fugitive mortals continue to fall in love and fall out of aversion, the marriage stays. When two insane psyche refuse to distrust the incantation of happiness, the marriage bloom.
Let’s be part of the happy marriage by celebrating the goodness of the right and shedding off the bitterness of the wrong!!

The Adventure of being an IT Engineer !!

I dreamt big... I dreamt high... I dreamt of being the shooting star and conquer the world !!!

My Dad is a mechanical engineer and what I always wanted to become is just like him... Poor young me didn't know that cloning is not possible... But of course, I thought the day I become an engineer, I will suit up to go for meetings and my knowledge will provide a dynamic direction to the entire project. I thought to be flying from one place to another to represent my valuable contribution and come home to my family feeling extremely proud of the way I handle my professional and personal life... My Dad... My Hero... An Engineer !!

Science was always on my mind... Physics to Chemistry to Maths to Biology... I struggled hard to relate every single theory to the real world and developed the logic for all the super powers from the superhero movies available at that time... I agree they were not accurate but for much of my self-appreciation !!

With a small mark of God's presence on my forehead, I appeared for most of the competitive exam and realised for the first time in my life that all those self-invented theories and practical had no relation with my grades and I need to work more on my skills of qualifying the exam... Somehow I managed to get admitted to a degree college without any donation... mark my words that was pretty much an achievement at the time when you don't have those perfect grades... I still fail to understand the provision of donation and to make a student feel more like a charity at the first step towards reality... It kills your self-confidence and misleads your growth as a person... I owe a big hug to my Dad's Principle which saved me from that mental trauma.

Finally a BE graduate with a good job offer in my hand I walk out of my college with chin up and nose flaring somewhere... As soon as I thought, here starts my journey of a tick-tock professional lady... As soon as I started dreaming of being the next Indira Nooyi or Chanda Kochhar my joining was delayed for 3 months... I still didn't loose my confidence till it was delayed for a year and my adventure ride began right there... IT ( Information Technology ) an abbreviation misunderstood as "Income Tsunami" by the entire society... I was right there with my tiny bag of dreams packed tight to take a flight... Yes ! you tend to rhyme during your bad days... I am no exception !!!

Bang-Bang !! That was my first face to face with the word recession or you can call it the world of recession... The HR of the company I was selected in dumped me by asking me unofficially to move on in job...I was not even given proper time to shed my tears and collect the broken pieces of my heart... And the fight to select the right course for a job began... The struggle to appear in every single interview started... The juggling between the public transport and money in the pocket picked up the pace... This all ended up after months together with an IT job which of course didn't pay me well but gave me a kick start... Here I was with my dream coming true but significantly narrow horizons achieved so far... I learned it hard way that there is no end to growth but there is also few hidden objects in economy who will keep pulling you back for some reality checks in life... This was just the beginning of an infinite loop in which the main parameters were Appraisal, Promotion, Salary Hike, Onsite...The balancing act of all these parameters were on its full swing between me and the representative of the organization named "Managers" when suddenly I hear again the dark days are coming back... It looks like some Harry Porter movie where "Dobby" warns of the upcoming dangers ... And we are restlessly waiting for "Dumbledore" to guide our hero, "Harry" to protect us with his magical extra ordinary abilities...I get calls from my friends with the worry to loose the existing job... The concern of the dependents in the family... I hear people being asked to leave the organisation for the lost project deal... I hear the cut-them-down targets are more those who are paid for their necessity than ones for luxury... Even if we are quite aware of the principle of industry maturity and investment saturation we don't keep our seat belt tight enough to let go the turbulence... We sit here in our own space like "Muggles" from the same movie series who have not prepared themselves to protect oneself from the dangers of the magical world. Unfortunately with the years passing by, I along with my organization forgot the importance of the parameters like Upgradation of skills, Application of technology, Contribution to country economy, Creation of product, Generation of employment that would have led both of us to the final product we were always looking for... Days have changed, people have settled down, aspirations have raised, industry has grown but where is that direction to make a difference lost... where is the enthusiasm to apply the knowledge for leaving a mark vaporized... We face the stress of being in a monotonous life... We face the pressure to rise above the rest... We face the hidden competition of who is marked where in the globe... We have unknowingly entered the life that has more insecurities than confidence!! The life where we have time to go to the therapist on weekend but fall short of annual leaves for family get together !! The life where we are spending more time on roads than on the dinning table !! The life where we have lost the charm of evening tea over morning anxiety !! The life where we have surrendered to the uncertainity over self caliber !!

We are the Engineers lost in the World of Engineering !!